Worried...but I love my earrings

My best friend Darien finally gave me the Sapphire earrings that he had told me he had gotten me but I didn't believe him at first because I am one of those people that I don't believe it till I see it. Well I have to admit when I saw the box I thought "OH MY GOD, HE WASN'T LYING TO ME!" And actually I ended up saying it out loud completely by accident, in which Darien responded "What?! You doubted me?! Why would you do that?!" I have to admit once again I love the earrings, they are soooooo beautiful and even if they weren't real(which they are) I would still love them and I would still love him. Darien gave me one of the best presents I had ever gotten, now I don't mean I've gotten crappy gifts for Christmas but these are really special to me. Aside from my parents nobody else, including many of my ex's have ever gotten me jewelery or real jewelery for that matter and he did. I'll say this much he has good taste. I spent most the day with him on Monday and that day I saw many interesting sides to him...I saw his sweet side, his irritated side, his stressful side, his parental side, his political side and out of all his sides the one that stood out the most and I'm just spit balling here but I believe I also saw his moronic side. He told me two stories about two women both of which he's interested in, girl number 1 is his ex-girlfriend aka his first love,(from high school) who is unhappily married and has a son. Girl number 2 has a boyfriend, but here's the interesting part to this girl, Darien left this bit of information out (why... I'm still trying to figure out) but according to a mutual friend of Darien's and myself, who met girl 2, she is an 18 year old college Freshman who is a replica of his ex-girlfriend (of 3 years) whom he broke up with about a year ago. Coincidence I don't think so! Now here's the thing I know that both of the relationships with these girls are going to end bad, he said it himself he wants a relationship with girl 2, which means he wants a relationship in general which makes me worry a little more about girl 1. I don't know why but something tells me that because of their history girl 1 is going to try to make Darien her safety net, especially because he is doing so well for himself. He works at AT&T, he just recently got a promotion, which also means more money, and he just recently moved into his own apartment; so basically if girl 1 plays her cards right with him and is able to break him, she would basically be taken cared of. Truthfully...I'm worried that he isn't as over girl 1 as he claims to be and I'm also worried that girl 2 is going to be a bad rebound, and even though he claims to have it under control I can't help but doubt him. So here's the thing ordinarily I have questions to ask all of you to help me figure out a few things, but in this case I don't have any questions because I'm not sure what to ask for... but because I can't end this blog without any questions to ask I'll leave all of you with these questions...what do you think? And what should I ask?

Giving things up for Lent...

I was raised Roman Catholic and I have to admit when it comes to Lent aside from meat on Fridays I don't give any else up for Lent. I remember being in grade school and every year the whole school would go to church for the beginning of Lent. We would have a ceremony, and every year the priest would ask the students to raise their hands if they were giving up anything else for Lent besides meat on Fridays. I would always keep my hand down because meat was the only thing I gave up. Then aside from the church ceremony, we would be given a list of things that we didn't have to do but would supposedly help us to give up certain things for Lent, like chips, cookies, soda, watching too much TV, things like that; which I never did, and truthfully I still don't do. Aside from giving things up for Lent we would also be told to try to do some charity work. Those were always interesting because some of the things I remember seeing, I would think to myself "I can't do this stuff I'm just a kid." Some of the things I remember seeing on there were help the homeless, do some volunteer work, raise money for the homeless. I always wondered how they expected us to do some of those things, we were kids, and because we were kids we really couldn't do anything without our parents permission or without our parents. Regardless of that I would still go to church every Friday for prayer service, go to church on Palm Sunday and give up meat for 3 days prior to Easter Sunday. When I was in 8Th grade I played the Virgin Mary when we reenacted Jesus being hammered to the cross. Then many years later I graduated grade school, graduated high school, graduated college and over the years I noticed that I started stumbling when it came to Lent. There were times when I wasn't able to make it to church on Ash Wednesday to receive my ashes, at times I would forget that I wasn't suppose to eat meat on Fridays or the 3 days prior to Easter Sunday and I would go and have a double bacon cheeseburger. So here are my questions to all of you...I may have been raised a Catholic and I still believe and respect everything I've been taught and I've gone to Catholic grade school and Christian colleges and I know why we're suppose to give things up for Lent but part of me can't help but wonder how is giving up things for Lent suppose to help us become better people or better Christians for that matter? And if my stumbling has made me a sinner?

Unable to stay angry...

OK so as all of you know one of my recent blogs was how angry I was at my friend Darien for not meeting me on Tuesday like we had originally planned. Here's the thing as angry as I was, I sat on the train watching a movie and I went from thinking about how upset I was to thinking about the time when I really sad about something and he tried cheering me up. He pretended to be a musician and playing on his imaginary guitar, he looked like such a dork. I sat on the train and thought about the many hugs we have given each other, how at first he was one of the few people who supported my education choices;(actually when it comes to our education we are both very supportive of one another) and the countless times he has been a sweetheart. I found myself laughing at all of our dumb meaningless conversation as well as the dumbest debates on the planet. Actually whenever we're together we always, never fails get into the strangest debates. For example during Christmas break we were walking around the neighborhood and we were looking at all the homes that had Christmas decorations on them and I said (and I still firmly believe) that multi-color lights tend to look better than gold lights, Darien disagreed. In fact he was dead set on trying to convince me that gold lights tend to look better than multi-color lights. Every house we saw whether it be gold or multi-color lights we would argue about why our preference was better. I would say this debate went on for about 5-8 blocks until we...actually this is one of the many things we don't agree on. Now don't get me wrong we don't always have meaningless conversations, in fact he is one of the few people I can actually hold a decent conversation with about almost anything. In the end I sat there thinking about all of this and I found myself saying "one day, one measly day he doesn't up. Out of how many times he has he always managed to make time for me? How many times has he been there when I needed a shoulder to cry on? How many times has he been there to make or attempt to make me laugh? He has always shown up." Which is very true as busy as we both are, one way or another we seem to always make time to see one another, or we text one another like crazy, in fact I had to change my text messaging plan because of the many texts we send one another; which to be perfectly honest is more than what I tend to do for other friends. (When I really think about it, I realize I'm being unfair to my other friends. I tend to make more time for him than I do everyone else. That's not fair at all.) By the time I got back to school I found myself saying "I can't stay made at this bastard. Why can't I stay mad at this miserable bastard?" ( my exact words too)I asked a friend mine this and she had an interesting response to this she said that maybe we've become to dependent on one another, that we're possibly replacing our exes with each other...which could be true. So here are my questions to all of you why wasn't I able to stay angry at him? And is it possible that he and I are becoming dependant on another because of the lack of relationships?

Do clothes and makeup make us confidante?

How confidente are we when we walk out of the door in the clothes we wear? One of my favorite shows is on TLC it's called "What Not to Wear" I have gotten a lot of ideas to not only add to my look but change certain things about it as well; to make me not only look but feel better about myself. I see many of the people who are nominated as candidates for the show and I noticed they all have a two things in common, they tend to have low self esteem about themselves which is one of the reasons why they don't make an effort to look their best because they tend to feel as though they are not worth it, which in my opinion is not true, everybody is always worth looking good. The second thing I notice is that because most of these people have low self esteem they tend to find clothes that do not help accentuate not only their bodies but their persona as well, they tend to find clothes that make them look horrible and look as though they have no fashion sense; when in reality they do they just don't know how to bring out their fashions because their low self esteem has taken over their mind. I believe one of my favorite episodes was one where the mother completely hated her hair cut and because she had set in her mind that old hair do was better she went to her hair saloon and had them apply hair extensions and dye her hair blond, she did it because she felt that her new beautiful hair would not grab a man's attention. After she was done she went from looking like a beautiful mature woman to a woman who is trying too hard to look sexy. Now when I first started writing this, I thought all people ever do is spend money to look and feel beautiful because they have low self-esteem issues, but after this weekend I got a little different perspective. I do believe people go through all of that crap to feel amazing but it's more than that...I can't really describe it but this weekend I went shopping for a new dress for Easter and for dinner with Darien. Now at first when I chose the dress I thought "it's cute, it's pretty, it'll do, but then my friend suggested to add a belt and suggested how I should do my hair and make-up infact I even got a free make-up consoltation. I know I'm a pretty girl, but having said that after I got the make-up done and I put the dress and shoes and everything to go with it; I thought "wow, I not only look beautiful but I actually feel beautiful too." It's amazing how a little make-up and a pretty outfit can make a person feel as if they're the most beautiful person in the world and give them that boost of confidence they need to not only feel beautiful but desireable as well. It also give a person a feeling of actually belonging. So here's my question to all of you how beautiful do you feel when you walk out of your house in your outfit and make up?

Waiting...

There are many things I wait for, I wait for dinner while my mother or a friend cooks it, I'll wait for weeks for a good movie or book to either come to the big screen or to come in the mail, I wait for the train as I wait to get back to school, I wait for money to come in and typically I am very patient but here's my question how long do I wait for a friend before I call quits and go home? I made two appointments today to visit with two good friends, whose names will be changed to Mark, and Darien. Mark showed up after he got of work, he even called to a) make sure I was at the designated place and to tell me that he needed a cigarette so he was going to be a few minutes late. Mark was considerate enough to call me and let me know so that I would not be sitting there wondering "where is this punk?" Very sweet and responsible. Now the other one is my best friend Darien, who incidentally called me this morning very excited to tell me that he had found my Christmas present, which are Sapphire earrings. Now when he first told me what he had gotten I didn't want to believe him until I saw the earrings because I've had men in the past tell me they had gotten me a present for whatever reason but what a coincidence when it came time to giving it to me they would either A) forget them day after day or B) misplace them. So most of the time I would get very excited but then would wind up disappointed because in the end I realized they never got me anything they were just pulling the old "I got you something but..." and usually I got this line whenever I got them something and they weren't expecting it. Now typically I don't really care whether or not a person gets me a present because I love to give people presents especially when they don't expect them. Now you may be asking yourself if I don't care then why am I ranting well here's why. I told him I'd be at the designated place around 3:00 I told him he told me to call him when I had arrived; which I did I texted when I had arrived and settled in. To which he responded that he was in class, which I didn't know about, so I thought and responded "oh ok, well I'll be here for a while get here when you can." That was at 2:45, I thought "ok, in my experience classes on Tues and Thurs tend to run a later than classes on Mon, Wed, Fri because typically those classes only meet twice a week. So I thought "ok he might be done around 4:00 or maybe a little later so I'll wait" Meanwhile my awesome friend Mark looked really tired so I told him to go home and get some rest, that was a little after 4:30 and still no show, no call from my friend Darien. So I thought ok well maybe he's stuck in traffic or something I'll give him a little more time, finally at 5:17 I texted him asking if he forgot about me, to which he reapplied no 'I"m still in the process of moving." To which I said "Oh" then he responded "sorry kiddo". I responded "It's ok." Even though in the back of my head I was thinking "why didn't you tell me any of this before?! It would have been nice to know that I might not see you at all today!" I'll admit it's 5:58 and I've lost feeling my butt because I've been sitting in the same chair for almost 3 hours and yet now I am not only waiting for him, but now I'm waiting for a movie to start just to give him a little more time, in case he is able to make it. Ok now just to remind you this is the same Darien that I have mentioned before, the one that I love very much as a friend and as more. So here' s my question "how much longer do I wait?" Do I continue waiting in hopes of not only seeing him and these so called earrings or do I call it a night and go home? Here's my other question "why the hell do we do this?' Why in the hell do we sit and wait for men? Why do continue thinking that if we continue waiting that they'll show up when the reality is they are not going to show up.